I loved my alcoholic ex explosively. He was brilliant and funny and intuitive. He would brush my hair until I fell asleep and wake me up telling me I was his “greatest treasure.”
He also told me he wished that I would die so that he could drink in peace. He tried to pressure me to end a mutually planned pregnancy when he became nervous about his ability to parent. He lied and alienated everyone, and he died drinking.
I still remember and love the man before the alcohol took over. I will always love him.
BUT.
He was a terrible partner. That is just the TRUTH.
My husband now is a terrific father, partner, and friend. Our love is comfortable, sweet, steady, and good. It’s less of a fireworks display and more of a cozy fire.
In my experience, there are all kinds of different love. The crazy love with my alcoholic ex felt like adrenaline, but it also gave me endless anxiety. The good love with my current partner feels like peace.
Sometimes I miss the adrenaline a bit, but that’s normal.
I would never go back.