Thank you for this post dietcokeaddict and all responses. I can understand you want answers to your situation but you are dealing with an irrational, complex and unpredictable disease that changes the addict's brain- we do not know how much damage has been done. It feels like I am being pulled into the disease when I try to figure out the addict - I know rationally I can't. I think we can loose ourselves to this disease with too much focus on the addict.
I think it is their responsibility to manage their disease and part of that is treating others the way they deserve to be treated.