Thank you very much for replying to my post. I appreciate what you said. I will try to be kinder to myself. It's been hell, and I'm trying to hold on and stay above water. It's all just a lot, and very painful. I hope I'm done discovering new deceits and can place this long patch for the quilt of my life wrapped carefully in tissue paper with the other patches, and put the lid on the box until the time comes to piece it all back together as one big beautiful creation that was my life.