Don't be so hard on yourself.Getting sober is a process. Make a recovery plan and tweak it as you go along. Keep what works and get rid of what doesn't. When the witching hour comes, and it will come, know what you will do in place of caving in and drinking. Having a drinking problem doesnn't make you a bad person. You are wired differently from 90% of the population. All you need to do in the beginning is be willing and I can see from your post that you are indeed wiling. Good luck to you on your sober journey!