Life.....the final frontier.
But really, I'm not too sure what life is about yet, I have been clean for about a year and I'm still working on it. I do know that since I got clean I have these things, emotions...I think, that I never had when I was dried up, tied up and dead to the world. It has it benefits and it's draw backs, but I'm getting used to them and they are really cool sometimes.
THe best answer I have come up with for the "what is the meaning of life?" question is....experiences.
I have done a bunch of things now that I'm clean that I never would have gotten a chance to do if I was loaded, spending time with my family and really being there instead of in a half nod. Noticing joy and happines in there faces. I have been able to meet a ton of interesting people i would have never come in contact with had I never quit using. I have found out quite a bit about how I work and what drives me to do the **** I do. I have learned to trust people again and sometimes I run on pure faith now. THis weekend I'm gonna go skydiving...I allways wanted to go skydiving when I was using, but I would never be willing to spend dope money on something so frivolus...next month I am going to an NA convention in Alabama. In the last year I have cried on 6 seperate occasions, it may not seem like a big deal, but till I got clean I hadn't cried for probably 10 years. I have been able to visit my dying grandfather in the hospital and be there with him, actually be there, in the moment and find some peace about the situation....and I made him laugh a couple times...he's dying and in pain 24 hours a day and I made him laugh, that may be the last time he ever laughs and I am responsible for it. I have been able to share my personal experiences with other people that are getting clean it has helped both them and myself. Today I smile at more than a fat bag of dope.
I don't really know what else is comming down the pipe in the life department, it all hasn't been rainbow sherbert and blow jobs since I got clean, but it has been really good for the most part. I know life is gonna happen, whatever that means, and b/c I'm clean I get to take part in it, whatever that means.
Stay clean, and you'll get your own grasp on the life thing. More will be revealed.
Blake