Originally Posted by rhonda
I am so desperate and lonely. My husband of 10 years has become addicted to meth. He is not the same person and he is no longer a husband to me or a father to my kids. I love him with everything I have and feel I would be giving up on him to get out of the madness. He never comes home anymore because he is always working. Sometimes he goes 3 or 4 days without coming home. Then when he gets here all he does is sleep. He introduced me to it and I do it sometimes but I am ready to stop. We have 2 kids and I hate what he has done to our family. He is in complete denial and says that it is a tool and too many people depend on him. There is no way he could do what he has to in a day without it. I know that is an excuse. He has become distant most of the time and hateful when he is here. My problem is that I don't know if I wait for him to be ready to quit and remain miserable until then or leave him and give up. He has said he has a problem once and broke down crying to me. He has not admitted it to me again and gets very mad when I try to talk to him. I do it too so it's not like I don't know that it would be hard but I have a family to save and I don't know how to do it. Somebody please talk to me.
sad and lonely
Hey Rhonda!!
Welcome to SR
Great to have you here.. I am so happy you found this place.. You will find that there is much support here. I know SR has been a great help to me. I am sure it will be for you as well.
I am sorry to hear about your husband. Drug addiction is a terrible thing.
But, you need to be concerned about you, and your children. He will take care of himself. See, I am an addict, when we are trapped in our addiction, we don't think like we do, when we were once, before we were using. We change alot. Addiction changes our lives ALOT. It makes us do things to the people we love (including ourselves), that we just never would ever have done, had it not been for the addiction. But once we have the addiction, that becomes our whole life, it is really all we care about.
I know that hurts, and you may not be ready to believe that yet, but, believe
me, I am no different than any other drug addict,,. It is true.
I am going to give you a thread to read, that will be very, very beneficial for you.. I would hope that you will read it. I am also going to recommend that you check out the Naranon forum,, and also the friends and family of alcoholics. The people there are absolutely wonderful. They understand so well what you are going through,, They are the family members that have put up with the drug addicts like us, here on the Substance abuse forum.
Here is the thread, please, please read it.. It may help you understand, Adan believe me, it is all true.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-do-39699.html
I love him with everything I have and feel I would be giving up on him to get out of the madness.
I can tell you that, you don't necessarily have to leave yet. You can get help though, and you really should. There are many, many places for you to get help. They will not report your husband to the police either, so you don't have to worry about that. But, please, get yourself some help. That way, you know how to deal with him, the right way. Sometimes, people that love the addict in the family, actually help make the addicts problem worse, but NOT ON purpose,, it's only because they love the addict, and they don't know how to go about dealing with them the right way.
There is Nar-anon meetings you can go to. You can also go check out a drug and alcohol counselor. They can also help you, even though you don't have the problem. I attend a group called Celebrate Recovery,, it's a 12 step Christian based group, if they have any in your area, you could attend one of those. Also, I believe if they have an OPEN meeting for NA, you could also attend one of those meetings. You could learn much from a meeting like that as well. But I do think if you can find a Nar-anon meeting in your area, that would be your best bet. You will learn ALOT at those meetings, about how to take care of yourself, and how to stay sane, while dealing with an addict. I know, it is so difficult. I am the addict. I know what I put my family through,.
I now regret every minute of it.. But back then, I didn't really think about it as much. Or, I just thought it didn't affect them as much as it really did.
But please, also know that, kids are very smart, you may think that they don't know anything is going on, but they really do know more than you think they do. Kids are very smart. They pick up on alot. They will love their dad ALOT, but that doesn't mean that they still won't be hurt by the things he is doing. They see when he is hurting you. Don't fool yourself into believing that they don't know, because they probably do, unless they are little babies.
You are a wonderful wife. But that doesn't mean that you need to deal with a bunch of crap. Sometimes an addict has to hit bottom, before he will change anything. Sometimes a wonderful family member hinders that "hitting bottom" ,, unintentionally, when they are just trying to help, by doing to much for the addict..
I hope something I have said makes sense to you, and helps you some. But please, do check into the Nar-anon forum, and please, get yourself some support. Don't go on like this,, you are only hurting yourself, and enabling your husband.
Please, keep posting..
We are here for you, anytime.
Prayers for you..
Love,
Becky