In my circumstances, I can now see..hindsight is 20-20...that even if my qualifier stopped drinking, he would still be abusive and hurtful. I would never feel safe and open to him. I just couldn't trust him. And neither of us respected each other.
You will hear it here often but time and space are required to begin healing. It took me 6 weeks away and no contact for the fog to begin to lift. But I promise you can make it without him. Right now you are merely trying to survive each moment. You deserve better. He has nothing to offer you.
It is terrible for your mental and physical health to stay in this situation but you can heal.
(((((hugs))))