It’s very difficult to stop drinking. Alcoholism is a beast.
When I became pregnant my addiction hadn’t yet developed, but my ex-husband’s alcohol abuse worsened. He wanted to stop “for the baby”, but he relapsed repeatedly. He had excellent intentions and great motivation, but he really struggled.
Men can certainly struggle to stop drinking during pregnancy. Women can, too. Both situations are sad and hard, but neither gender deserves more “blame” than the other for struggling. The stakes are higher when a pregnant person drinks, but high stakes aren’t sufficient for many addicts.
You are not a terrible person. You are a good person in need of professional help for your addiction.
You CANNOT change past mistakes.
You CANNOT predict the future with accuracy.
You CAN seek help, cease alcohol use, and be proud of yourself.
Chin up. You are loved and seen. This is hard, but you can do it. Your baby will benefit SO MUCH from your pursuit of sobriety.