hi JS. Unfortunately while that reaction from her is not common, it's certainly not uncommon, I have seen the same reaction here before several times.
What can happen, over the years is that, while the sober person might think they are completely justified in "being mean" to the alcoholic because their behaviour is unacceptable for the family, it causes a huge rift in the relationship.
As I'm sure you know, relationships take care and that can be put totally by the wayside when the elephant in the room (alcoholism) is everyone's main focus, no time for heart to heart talks or caring and affection.
Many think that once the alcoholic gets sober all will be well. If they would just put the drink or other drugs down. That's rarely the case, even if the partner has been incredibly patient and supportive. The alcoholic, which also gets overlooked, has been drinking for some time. Living that life, feeling shame, guilt, anger etc etc. They do not arrive at the beginning of recovery, sober and ready to take on the world.
Unfortunately, there is very little you can do about it. She is going to make her own decisions. I am sure you are very hurt and I'm sorry you got hurt in all this.
I would really recommend that you have, at least, a consultation with a lawyer. You will want to discuss your rights in all this, particularly with custody.
You can be there for her, you can let her know if that is the way you feel but whether she is willing to work on the relationship is, of course, up to her.