Hi lovely folks
My plan of action is to, sadly, get a full account of what I did and how I did it. Once I have this information, I'm going to write it all down in my journal so that I have an outlet. I can't do it yet because I've only just started feeling human again. But I will do it.
From there, I need to know my triggers. i know my trigger - it's social anxiety and depression. I very rarely drink but I have very rarely had a good experience.
I will look to see if there are any meetings in my area. I need to come to terms with other instances where other things have happened, including SA.
I am a home bird and don't go out often. So avoidance will be no issue for me.
My boyfriends friends are also a trigger for me because theyre all a bit full on and dramatic. There is no need for me to keep in contact with them. They live about 40 minutes away and they tend to go hard on the booze and drugs.
Finally, i am going to accept that this happened. I can't change it. I can just try and heal from what's happened. I have never thought I've needed to stop drinking. Even after waking up in a house full of men with no clothes on and no phone or friend.
There's something about this time that has reminded me of all those suicidal days and weeks after and how I paid so much more than the worth of the terrible night I had endured.
Nothing is permanent in this life, not even our troubles.