Hi Fxckedit, I too have been through some very embarrassing, completely out of control and drunken incidents that became increasingly frequent the older I got, off the top of my head: wandering around a hotel in central London naked, drunk and lost at 3am, waking up with cigarette burns on my arms, losing my work laptop after a drunken/stoned bender, endless illegible facebook/posts and texts, being an absolute ******* with my partner, etc.
Over time and after agonising, contorted by embarrassment and shame and ruminating endlessly on these events for hours and hours it became clear that all of these are symptoms of the bigger problem (alcoholism). You can stop this but you need to recognise it and admit it to yourself. Right now, stop beating yourself up and have a calm, sober Christmas. Endlessly hating on yourself is not productive and you deserve better.
Your are not alone and you can make it stop x