Gosh, I was expecting to get flamed.
Wow. I am honestly speechless and very teary eyed. I really needed that handhold - more than words can say.
I know that i can't control my drink and I will no longer drink. I actually very rarely do drink because of the blackouts and waking up in bad situations. However when I do have a sip, I can't stop. All or nothing.
To all of you, thank you. This is day one of my journey. I will never allow myself to feel like this again. There isn't much I can do to fix the emotional damage I caused that evening, but you have given me the wisdom and excitement to put drinking down forever. Luckily, i dont rely on it and have gone for extremely long periods without it so its more than doable for me. I have been trying to calm myself down but reading the responses on this thread grounded me so hard. I really can't thank you all enough.
I am sober and I will never lose control or my memories again.