I'm really sorry for what happened. I had blackouts too, towards the end of my drinking days and it still scares me to think about them. Blackouts are really dangerous and you will never remember what happened. What you did was the result of alcoholism and it caused you a huge upset last evening. Have you thought about stopping drinking completely? I don't know if you can repair any of the damage but you can prevent it from ever happening again. You never have to feel like this again. We're here to offer support.