Obladi

There's this guy I call "Mr Text." He's been around AA since I started going there some 10-12 years ago. As far as I can tell, he's a good guy, and as far as I know he's been sober for the entire time I've known him. He's the guy I called to take me to rehab at the start of 2020; he left work, drove a couple of hours up there, and stayed until he knew I was 'in.'

After I left rehab, Mr Text sent me at least one text/day, sometimes several. I would respond in kind - I thought it was really nice of him to sort of take some responsibility for... the life he saved, if you will. It didn't take long though for gooiness to enter the conversation. He started calling me things like "dear" and "sweetie;" and telling me that I was loved in a way that made me feel he might be putting the moves on me. I backed off of the texting, and eventually all of that stopped. Problem solved. Well, my problem was solved.

A month or so ago I ran into this young woman who I'd initially me in IOP (intensive outpatient treatment) - maybe about 5 years ago. She and I gravitated toward each other as IOP pals, struck up a friendship where we sometimes hung out, texted, and called. We started seeing each other at AA meetings once she moved to this area to live with her (addicted & abusive) boyfriend, who is not Mr Text, by the way. She continues to struggle but seems to now be willing to do the work; in fact she asked me to sponsor her. Of course I said yes after reminding her that I was just seven months sober this time around. That was not a problem. Then she went out a few more times, which I understand. It's a problem but it's not my problem; you know?

Here's the problem: my young friend is now "with" Mr Text. In fact, within a month of moving in with him, she and Mr Text are engaged. He's 67. She's 32. He's been sober for 12 years. She's lucky to get even a week sober. I think I know that Young Friend is transactional with men - he gives her a place to stay, so she responds by giving him a 'relationship.' I think I know that Mr Text is lonely and simply wants a wife. My honest (and perhaps incorrect) conclusion is that Mr Text and Young Friend have no business being in a romantic relationship with each other. In fact, I'm pretty sure Young Friend is impeding her own recovery by getting into these types of relationships. I've told her as much - not as a directive, just that this is my opinion/belief/truth.

I'm full of self-importance about this thing, and I want to let go of it. I am ready to work the steps with this woman, and in fact we've made a start. I truly believe/feel that she will not get better until she learns to let go of unhealthy ways of being in relationships. This will be clear when she gets back into therapy and /or does her 4th step, I'm sure. She knows she needs to be not drinking to make any progress with the steps and that I can't work with her while she's drinking. But Mr Text? He's not doing her any favors by enabling her by continuing in this relationship and moving her into his home and becoming engaged even while she continues to go out. What I want is for someone (preferably not me) to set him straight and tell him to stop moving in on women who are newly (or not quite) sober. I can't even speak with him right now; he's turned in my mind from 'nice and kinda creepy' to just plain predatory. It reminds me of being abused, and I just realized that when writing out my thoughts.

It is glaringly clear to me that this post is full of me and I. But I knew it would be, so that's why I'm here.

I'd like to know what you guys think.

O