TA welcome back. You need to do as your name and take action.
Buddy, I've been there . Not eating for 4/5 days, blackouts, waiting outside the liquor store to open at 8am. shaking so bad I couldn't tie my shoe laces, it's horrendous.
I'm doing rehab at present and we're focusing on the AV and how we talk ourselves into picking up The antidote is positive thinking, self praise for how well we've done in staying sober, surrounding ourselves with positive people and accepting complements and praise. Once we get an air of positivity around ourselves we're much less likely to succumb to relapses.
It's the hardest thing anyone will ever face, but YOU CAN DO IT!!! Get the positive vibe going bud - you'll make it, no doubts just positivity