I hope, first of all, that you can eat something today and drink lots of water. That will help you to feel a bit better, I hope.
I think alcoholics have no self-control once they take the first sip of the first drink. However, you can stop drinking and begin to recover. It always helps to have a plan in mind for how you will stop drinking and how you will remain sober. Coming here to SR and reading and posting every day can be very helpful. And, I'm sure you know that you need to step away from the shame because it will push you back into drinking again. You can do this.
