Originally Posted by
VikingGF 
Hi, Brian- and welcome back
I'm exactly on your timeline, about to hit 16 months also and admit that I also feel a bit flat, blah, not really in that sweet spot I was a few months ago. However, I do think that I couldn't have sustained that level of GLEE forever, and think I'm just settling into a baseline of normalcy. It's not bad- it's just kind of.... there. Learning to live with "normal" is probably the best description. I think you're smart reaching out- coming back here.
Congrats on your sober time- I'm sure you will be welcomed back with open arms. We all make mistakes, we aren't the mistakes.
Good to hear from you Viking and it seems like what we are experiencing is fairly normal? On the one hand, I don't want to get complacent but on the other hand I don't want monitoring my spiritual / mental state etc to turn into an obsession where I am beating myself up for either not feeling amazing or just feeling a bit blah. Also, I don't want the recovery community to be my only life. I know how much fulfilment I get from doing "normal" stuff with "normal" people and just having enjoyable human interaction. So it's important for me to progress into having a slightly more balanced life than what I've been living these last 16 months. And so not being right in the middle of all the local AA action is a good thing in a way?
Also, I do feel like I instinctively practice the inventory stuff day to day - I view pretty much everything these days through the lens of "how much is my fearful, overactive ego influencing my attitude to this situation"? If I'm troubled, sometimes it's justified but more often than not I'm needlessly jumping to conclusions. So I think it's been fairly well engrained into me. If I find myself acting up, being impulsive or impatient or dickish or judgemental then I know where to go immediately: call a fellow, go to a meeting, think about whether my behaviour is justified.
I Spoke to someone the other day who said: "you are always exactly where you are supposed to be in recovery. You will reflect on things that are happening now in 6 months or a year's time and be able to have a lot of clarity around how you've progressed since then". I like that. It has certainly been the case to date. I guess going through problems now and just dealing with them rather than going around them by getting twatted, running away etc in and of itself is building up a body of experience I can call on when stuff gets challenging. That's the hope anyway. Maybe that's the maturing that didn't really happen for the 20 plus years of my addiction.