This is a great forum!
I can really relate to finding more fault with the codependent parent. Well, actually, both my parents are alcoholics. Dad just hasn't had a drink in years. He covers for Mom.
I have been married for 14 years and have 2 children of my own. My husband is a very early in his recovery (he is an alcoholic). His drinking started to get out of hand around 5 years ago. I look at how I have handled this situation and realize that growing up in an alcoholic home has really effected me.
Although my mother still drinks (functioning alcholic?) I find that I still need her in my life. She is my best friend. I have just learned not to call her past 6:30 on week nights (she gets home from work at 6:00 and begins drinking) and to BE READY when calling her past 11:00 am on weekends. My father's covering up just makes me crazy!!!! And although my husband is doing very well in recovery I still find that I am angry more frequently that I think I should be.
Since my husband has stopped drinking (he attends AA and goes for counseling) my mother has limited her drinking when we go for visits. It makes spending time with her great. This Easter was fantastic with no alcohol around!!
I could go on and on but should try to keep this short.
I have been reading Choicemaking for spirituality seekers, co-dependents and adult children by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse and am finding it helpful.
NoDoubt