Sally,
I am sorry for all your pain. I too have been in the same type of situation. Unfortunately this is part of the disease of alcoholism. The alcoholic whether currently using or not drinking but not in recovery, is trying to fill a void. The effect that alcohol once gave them, will not work after a time, so they turn to anything and everything to achieve that feeling again and to fill the void in thier heart. The only thing that can fill it is a higher power. Alcohol is as they say 'not the problem' alcohol is thier solution. The problem is lack of power. Once they are in recovery and awaken to the understanding of a higher power, only then will they know that working the 12 steps is thier solution. I can only share my expierence, strength and hope with you. I cannot offer advise. My husband was very unfaithful - thanks to AA and his higher power he is no longer the man he use to be. "Although I must also keep in mind that this is a 'one day at a time' program and can only live it that way.