Originally Posted by
velma929 
Hmmmm. Cheating is an activity separate from drinking. One can use drinking as an explanation or an excuse, I guess, because it removes inhibitions, but people have the same morality, drunk or sober.
A former colleague came by, informing us she was in the process of divorcing her husband after she had started a relationship with someone else. After she left, a co-worker was seething. "It 'just happened' ? She 'didn't mean to?' You don't sneak away from your spouse, take off your clothes and fall into bed by accident." I think we all know when we're crossing a line - if we wouldn't do it in front of our partner, we probably shouldn't be doing it, right?
To me, an outsider looking in, in all honesty: It sounds like he's figured out the right things to *say*.
You're not wrong. He's always been good at saying the right things. He's very smooth and a great manipulator.
He was wrong to cheat. Its selfish, cruel and causes a lot of trauma. I have trust issues and a ton of pain over it. I also recognize it was not physical, it was emotional. He tends to seek comfort emotionally. Doesn't make it okay, and is just as hurtful. Especially when drinking, he wants the attention and company. He wants this sober as well, but i think he is more restrained in acting on it because then he thinks "I can't."
These are all things in my mind and that I have not forgotten. Thats whats making this difficult. Cheating has always been a hard line for me in a relationship because it breaks complete trust. It really destroys your entire foundation. I also said addiction was a hard line for me once. Yet here I am. My ex husband was a former drug addict who stayed sober, never cheated, but i couldn't wait to get rid of him. I was never 'in love' with him and married him out of my own selfish motives like thinking that was the best I could get and didn't want to be the old maid unmarried friend in my circle. It felt forced. Then I spent a few years alone, dated around alot, loved it and found who i was. Met my ex here and everything felt natural and meant to be. But he has all these other things. Sigh.