New Member - functioning alcoholic
Hello All and thank you for welcoming me.
I am in my late 30s and I very much need to quit drinking altogether. Physically I need to, but despite this, I suppose my desire to drink outweighs my need and I am looking for guidance on how to get over this desire.
I describe myself as a functioning alcoholic and admittedly dependent on alcohol to feel like I am functioning effectively. During the week I spread my consumption throughout the day, but by the day's end (I first open the bottle around 530AM), I have generally consumed 12-18oz of hard liquor a day, nearly every day. I was able to stop for 3 months on the advice of my doctor, however, he gave me the "all-clear" to consume again "in moderation"... but this was based on blood work alone. Big mistake. A few months ago I had an ultra sound on advice of another doctor after seeing more recent bloodwork (an unrelated issue), and again I was advised to stop drinking completely due to an enlarged liver. Despite this, I know I am going down a destructive path and continue to drink. Recently (a couple of weeks ago), I got myself down to 2oz first thing in the morning, nothing during the day, and a glass of wine at night. I had 2 days of zero alcohol and admittedly I felt better. I really am not sure what happened, but I've started again and back up to close to 12oz a day again. In short, my wife has no clue how much I drink, and I do feel ashamed that I don't seem to have control over it. Otherwise, I feel that I am happy in my life, have a great family - loving wife and kids. My schedule over all and work isn't overly stressful, so I am stuck to ask myself - why am I knowingly destroying my health? I am hoping that being involved here will curb my interest in drinking and hoping that I am able to help others along the way.