You are right in reminding yourself that 10 years is not a cure. Alcoholism is a life sentence. The best we can do is not take the drink that rekindles that addiction cycle. Our addiction will always be with us, all we can do is make the effort to stay out of the cycle.
As for thinking you don't deserve to feel proud of yourself, that is pure AV talk. Yes your AV can activate any time, even after 10 years. I've thought about these later year relapses quite a bit. I can only come up with one explanation (not that there are not other explanations that I just can't imagine), but my only explanation is a desire to self destruct, to unconsciously try to ruin our own lives. Of course I don't know why we would want to do that. Maybe we do it to punish ourselves for some imagined failure, or maybe because we hate ourselves, or something else. But self destruction is the only motivation that makes sense to me.
Good to have you back. I hope we help stop this nonsense right in it's tracks.