Thanks Hawkeye, I am glad they are/ were helpful. I was kind of wondering if I am annoying people by posting daily. I am just trying darn hard to keep myself very focused because when I let my guard down or get lazy with my focus that is when things get bad and I start slipping down that bad slope.
Accountability: I was reading the first thread I started way back in January, an wow what a mess I was and I can see and read the depression and desperation in my posts. I know I have a long way to go but I think I have come from a long way too in my eyes. I know I say I need to play that tape forward, but I also play that tape backwards to see the hurt that I caused which is 100% not me at all. I hate to see people in pain whether it be emotional or physical. I would help anyone and everyone if I could. It gives me a sense of purpose. When I drank ( notice I said drank not drink..trying to change my mindset) Alpine is a completely different person with lack of empathy, poor insight, and just not the person to be proud of. I wish I saw that earlier. I thought I was the same person, just a more relaxed person. Sure initially I was more relaxed..for a short bit, then things changed, and then of course when sobering up my anxiety was through the roof and my patience was nill. Not the person I am nor ever want to be again
Toolbox: Keep my accountability thread going to keep me focused
Stay honest with myself