It sounds like you've put your needs to the side for so long. I really hope you get the courage to do whats right for you. He seems adamant about not getting support, help. There's nothing you can do until he chooses to change. You can decide if you want your life to change, however. Please, I hope you put yourself first, no more back burner for you.
I knew things were tipping over with my alcohlic ex boyfriend. He, too, had depression. He seldom had energy to do anything, on the depression front, and would drink very hard on weekends. He'd go through withdrawl on Sunday up to Wednesday, making his energy levels even worse, and the cycle would repeat. I asked him to get help for it, simply talk with a counsellor with all his trauma and issues. I loved him dearly, I hated to see him treat himself so poorly. But I knew this uneven relationship dynamic and his lack of effort and contribution couldn't last, I was getting so burnout and exhausted, more and more frustrated and resentful...
He said we couldn't afford it, he didn't want medication, all the excuses. I started looking up ideas, started making plans to accomodate his drinking habits and depression. I proposed a modified work idea - he works three days a week to help with groceries and living expenses, he'd get to pick the days according to his 'energy levels'. My extreme accomodating ideas made me realize things were going sideways. This modified work plan wouldn't address the core issue, only prolong his drinking and avoiding dealing with his issues. At the cost of my mental health, my ever-increasing depletion of energy. I had reached a point where I didn't want to continue this, live like this. My tipping point happened - he broke my phone in a fit of anger and broke in our bedroom door when I locked him out to pack, change, leave for the night because I was scared.
I was looking up 'when to leave an alcoholic' and 'how to keep boundaries firm'. I think when you get to the point of asking how to get through this, or how to leave, its time.
I'm sending you lots of strength and a hug - I hope you look out for number one <3 I told my ex I loved him, but I love myself more. I hope you have the same sentiment, you're strong and capable of standing on your own without the stress.