Thank you all for your advice and kind words, it means the world to me.
@dandylion - this is a great link, I will read through the advice for sure. I have found a similar one for Canada and have bookmarked it now. I am lucky to work for a great company and have access to legal advice for free so will take advantage of that and make myself an appointment.
@SmallButMighty - I am so glad to here of your personal success story as yes it does sound a lot like mine. I actually have started doing things for and by myself just this year and it has made a huge difference in my mental clarity. I was able to travel to Spain for a week and also did a cruise with my parents and left him at home both times, what a refreshing time to not have to walk on egg shells the whole time! I think this is something that has also gotten me to where I am at now. I have seen a glimpse of what I could have and am struggling to 'settle' for what I have now... not a bad thing!!
I will continue to read posts here and know that I am not alone, I am going to see if I can find a therapist and hopefully be able to go back to the Alanon group I went to BC (before covid...)