Hey Cos and Everybody!
I've been remiss in posting due to the advent of a sparkling brand new yellow lab in my life! Her name is Lola and she is 30 pounds of solid energy. She knows when it's time to play, does pretty well when I'm working, and may have finally succeeded in (mostly) teaching me how to get her to do her business outside rather than everywhere inside. I got her at the end of June and she is now 4 months old. This is my very first dog of my very own and the experience is growing on me. She gets me outside on the regular and motivates me to take walks in different places so that she can experience new sights, sounds, smells, and most of all - people. She is one friendly pup and we've only encountered one person so far who wasn't in the least bit enchanted by her charms. Sleep has been a little rough, but it's getting better. A few times, she's slept six hours overnight, and that is a blessing. Overall, I am much more healthy than I was just a few months ago. I'm pretty sure I've lost a pound for every one she's gained, so if we keep on that trajectory I'll be lithe by the time she's full-grown.
My basement habitat has worked out perfectly for this new puppy situation. She can be running around down here under my semi-watchful eye while I work and is actually fairly well-behaved. Sleeping down here provides quiet space for her and allows the cats to have the run of the rest of the house.
They are not on board with this puppy situation, but they keep showing up for meals, so I trust they'll adjust.
I have considered drinking, sometimes way more than I like to think about, but haven't done it. I've learned to actually talk to people who will understand what's eating me or what I'm feeling, and by golly, that Brene Brown is right. If you pick the right people as confidants, it really does help to unload on them from time to time. In a strange way, I feel like the less confident I am about staying sober, the better off I am. Which isn't quite what I mean, but I think you might get it? Being alert and paying attention to what's going on inside of me seems to be way more uncomfortable than the opposite, but it also seems to help me to ride out the storm. It's working so far, anyhow.
Cos, just about everyone has weird past baggage. We just don't let it show for some reason that sort of baffles me. Wouldn't it be such a relief if we could let go of the need to put on a good face at all times? I think we'd all be healthier if we weren't trying to hide behind our own images... Are you living on your own in that new rehab house of yours? Sounds like that's been a very engaging project for you. I'll bet you love it. It's so so good to hear "calm and stable." Who would have ever believed that's what we would aspire to? I totally dig that nowadays.