Jw.......I have noticed that there is a co-dependent workbook that is available on amazon.com, in the book section. I have heard that it is very helpful, although I have never used it myself.
perhaps, you might like read a description of that book on amazon and see what several thousand others have said about it.
I know, that, in the beginning, I found it hard to wrap my head around the whole co-dependency concept.
I hope that you are not getting your head too tangled up in who---yourself or your husband is THE Problem. It is not that black and white and that "simple". It is not about lol...it is not about establishing one "culprit". It is not just about blame and establishing who has the higher moral ground.
Relationships---and, especially close and intimate relationships (I'm not just talking about sex, here) are likened to a dance between the two individuals. A dancing together
Like the Argentine Tango.
I am giving you the following link to the |Argentine Tango----so you can see what I mean.