Hi Happydays - it's so good to have you here. You're never alone.
I used alcohol to soothe my nerves & to feel more comfortable in my own skin. It did seem to help for a while - but I realize now I was only masking my feelings. I should have worked on figuring out what I could do to improve my situation. I never grew or changed the way I needed to. Over the years it took more & more alcohol to achieve the same numbing effect. I became completely dependent on it to get through the day. You never need to reach that point. I'm glad you're taking a serious look at what it's doing to your life.