I cant even count all the day 1's I have had. Getting sober is hard hard work.
I think I am an intelligent person and make good decisions. The one thing I didn't understand was why I continually kept drinking despite it all. I still dont fully understand it and I dont think I ever will. Its complex. So, rather then trying to understand the why of it, I just started to live in the solution. Its hard work but its really rewarding hard work.
You can get sober and live in recovery. Believe in yourself. You got this!