Originally Posted by
Leopol 
Dear PeacefulWater12,
Thank you for your response. Yes, the reading around has definitely been helpful and comforting. My heart goes out to all of those involved in somewhat the same type of dynamic as I experienced. It is heartbreaking to read but the strength I feel from all messages has given me strength to stand tall on my own two feet and use this painful experience for growth.
The no contact is definitely helpful as it creates space for me between his insane world and mine. I do find it difficult because he is someone that I shared something special with.
It also pains me that the truth is something their mind cannot grasp and I hate that he sees me as the enemy but there is nothing to be done about that.
Thank you for the book suggestion I will get myself a copy and read it.
Are you also in no-contact with your late husband? Reading all the posts keep stating that no contact is best for your own healing and also for the alcoholic that you love. it gives them the chance to safe themselves. As painful as this is I will do my utmost best to continue this. I wish things were different but its better to accept them as they are.
I am so glad that your reading around here has helped, It is always good to hear the experiences of others, I think. A comfort.
I very much agree that No Contact is good for both people. A clean break where each person can move forward.
Thank you for asking about my late husband. I chose to stay with him until he died from the damage alcohol caused to his body. I used a technique called Medium Chill to protect myself. This is where you keep emotionally distant. You stay neutral, don't engage, don't share any personal information, you just chat in a very surface way, and limited my time with him.
I went No Contact with my alcoholic parents, also some of my relatives. It worked really well. The peace and relief was enormous. I did get pulled back in a few times over the decades but it always went badly and I went back to No Contact.
I did feel guilty at first but think that was due to my childhood programming.
Really glad you are discussing these things, it does help.
I hear you about having shared a special relationship with him, I felt that way about my husband for many years but then sadly alcohol damage to his brain and his progressive addiction took that away and left me with a man I didn't really know.
I think that you are right that the brain damage and addiction thinking makes them see us as the enemy. It twists everything around in their minds.
Is very sad for all concerned. For us though, the best thing we can do is keep away. Look after ourselves.