Quit- Your "comfort place" is a cold, hard rock without a blanket. It's time to think very critically about what you think the benefits of drinking are. If it's the very brief numbing, well, that's just a distraction and can be achieved many other ways, a brisk walk, a good conversation, sitting right here and reading on SR until the desire goes away. Any other "benefits" are outright lies- because alcohol makes NOTHING better. It doesn't make life easier, it crushes us and makes us ineffective, unable to make a sound decision and it ruins our self-confidence and self-respect and motivation. So what we think is the answer to boredom, fear, insecurity actually causes all these things, we become anxiety-ridden, boring, repetitive creatures with lots of self-doubt. When you get to 27, 28 days of sobriety, it's time to add new things into your life- and they can be mundane but they are important. Water the garden, work on your fitness, just walking is fine, learn something new, but change up that old pattern of reaching for a drink. Nothing changes if nothing changes- not drinking by itself is enough in the early days- but then you have to do the work. In the past you have mentioned that you haven't tried IRL support- maybe that's something to think about now. SR works- but you really have to make the effort in a strong way. I had to change everything about my thinking, my routine, and it was hard to do. But it was not nearly as hard as waking up every day wondering if this would be the day my body would just give out, wondering what I said or did the night before or how I got home. Nothing is as bad as that. You can do this, I read through all your threads and you are so unhappy when you drink. So, do something different. Sounds so simple- and it isn't, but at the most rudimentary- that's really what it is. Do not drink. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just don't drink today. Come to SR, every day- post in your class and try and make one person feel better on the forum. Make this a priority. You can be a sober person, I know you can.
Good job coming back.