LovelyKaya33333

Hi ...Thank you thank YOU thank you... for so much trailmix... thank you for everything ..you are amazing... and yes he is an ******* for that call... this was my response email and wow did it feel good

I don't know if you remember the over hour phone conversation we had when you were drunk and on cocaine a month ago but you were the one who actually told me about a lot of the unfaithfulness... especially emotionally. You even told me that you and Wendy had talked about getting back together after Shawn died ... mind you we were 2 years into our marriage. It blindsided me when you told me that. It took me a while to sit with it all and really see things for what they were. I was in a marriage with you working my butt off to keep things together and to hear that was nuts. You also told me about how you were actually talking to the girl in Texas while we were together and you were sorry for that and how you did in fact plan on moving Wendy into our apartment and getting back together with her when she had come out that summer.


You told me about girls you were with right when you got to Tennessee this time.


At this point I feel like our entire marriage and relationship seems like it was 1/2 truths and 1/2 lies and I now understand things a bit more. I already feel ashamed and embarrassed enough. I am not expecting you to ever understand it or where I am coming from...


I don't want to wear the image of being pathetic anymore. My husband left me is an emotional title I want to remove.... it is too hot, like a jacket in the summer. It is part of the reason moving to Maui is necessary. It is a fresh begining where only a very select few people know.


After that call a month ago... I was left with a feeling like I never really had a husband to grieve in the first place. This was based on the things you said. I am not sure if you can grasp how these things have made me feel or if you will just go into defense mode. I am not saying you are bad or anything ... but what I am saying is your need to feel better about things or to get drunk and "confess all these things" does not trump the gross feeling I get when I look back and have so many aha moments...

Your dad was right. I was good to you. I did take bullets and put up with odd situations. I was met with contempt by you a lot of the time no matter what I did or I how pivoted. This is just the truth.


You never have really given me credit or an appreciation to this day on where you were at when I met you and where you are at today. I do not think for a minute you would be even near as close to your kids if I hadn't stepped up to the plate and moved with you to Tennessee. My parents and I financially were a huge reason we could go. Emotionally, I don't think you would have done it and would have lost much more time with them. Instead of showing graciousness you have been pretty annoyed with me for wanting some kind of thank you.

So when you tell me that 4 years into our relationship and 2 years into our marriage (after Shawn died) you were talking to Wendy about getting back together with her I feel my skin crawl. I feel like an idiot. When you told me that it made total sense why Wendy never showed me respect... why did she need to, she was always your first choice... I was just there to "Help with rent and help with the kids"... You still to this day treat it as " Well it is what it is..."... You have always said that time is the most valued commodity ... yet you used mine like it was meaningless or disposable.


In conclusion, please get off your pedestal in saying you "won't let your character be ruined" or the ******** business like email you wrote... you are the one that told me the stuff you did. And for gods sake please stop saying " well I was damaged ".... You going through a divorce with Wendy never gave you the right to drag me through the mud for 7 years.