On a more serious note, I need some tough love here guys as I'm getting nowhere. Sinking lower, really, with every failed attempt. Accountability to myself isn't getting it done. It's unbelievable how easily my resolve vanishes into dust in the afternoon. No fight. No desire to ask for help. Just nothing. "One day at a time." "Just don't drink today." Such straightforward, simple advice. I can dole it out to others, but I simply just ignore it when it comes to me.
My life has been one of procrastination. Very little planning. Scrambling to get things done at the deadline. Only addressing issues when they become super-critical, or too pressing to ignore. The tragedy with alcohol for me is the slow, slow degradation of my mental and physical wellness. Never too pressing to ignore (no legal issues, good results at annual checkups). But I have to treat this fight differently. I know it. The person sitting here typing this in the morning knows it with all of his heart. I don't know what to do with the robotic, soulless person that takes the reins in the afternoon. I have to figure out how to snatch the reins back from him.
So today I'm going to take it hour by hour. I'm going to post here in the afternoon for the first several days, until I can get my legs under me.
Being transparent with you guys is important to me. And maybe a tiny step forward. I have nothing to hide. I can't do this alone.