Has anyone else dealt with a ‘nice’ drunk and did they eventually get mean like so many of you have dealt with?
But he does have some of the effects you read about. Maybe not physically, yet, but emotionally, absolutely. He has a terrible relationship with your children and with you. He's quite happy where he is. People around, a normal kind of life, someone buys food and he gets to drink as much as he likes. What's not to like (from his point of view).
He's rallying the "niceness" because he has detected a change in you. This is really common. He doesn't want to upset the apple card so he is pleasant . That's not so hard.
You don't need to be angry to hold your boundaries you know. Those should be non-negotiable. In your previous posts you don't sound happy at all. I assume that hasn't changed? His behaviour, today, or tomorrow, isn't going to change that fact. Boundaries are for you, for your wellbeing.
From your previous posts:
When we get together with friends he is still entertaining but sometimes it can turn to anger and frustration. He is very opinionated.
Over the years he has changed and about 2 years ago I started thinking I don't want to live like this any more. He was drinking way more, miserable, falling asleep at 8pm and not at all involved in our 2 teenagers lives.
Not long after talking to him about it and him promising he would do better
So the latter quote was two years ago. What is "doing better"? He hasn't cut down on his drinking but he's attempting to be "nice". Is that enough for you? That's really the only question you need to answer.
I'm curious, when he asks about your day, your friends - etc. does he listen to your reply and remember any of it? Like if you say today didn't go that well, I went to so and so and this happened - does he follow up? If you bring something up again, does he remember?