mira826

I just joined this forum because I'm in need of advice. Firstly, I'm sober, always have been and always will be. I have no history of alcohol or drug abuse in my family. When I began dating my boyfriend, I didn't realize he was an alcoholic until about 2 months in. Before meeting him, my fiance died in a horrific car accident a year and a half earlier and it scarred me.

My boyfriend (35) of 3 years is currently in rehab for the first time. It's a few hours from our house. He called me every night at first and he has called me the past 2 days (I haven't been able to answer when he calls -- I'm a busy grad student in a clinical rotation). I haven't spoken to him in a little over a week at this point. Tomorrow I'm supposed to attend a family session over Zoom with his rehab facility. I'm feeling hesitant to participate in this. On Friday, there is supposed to be a counseling session between him, me, and his counselor. I really don't want to do this because I haven't spoken to him in about 9 days at this point and I feel like I would be setting him up for an opportunity to blame me for everything. He blames me for a lot of things in his life when he is drunk. He is extremely verbally abusive and has made my life very difficult for the past 3 years with his verbal and emotional abuse. I am realizing since he's been away that I think I am somewhat traumatized after what I've experienced with him (he's been physically abusive in the past and I ended up having to get a CT scan).

I've been trying to research what to expect from one of these counseling sessions and I'm honestly not feeling good about partaking in this. I've read different things. I honestly feel like I would be stepping into a ring of fire or setting myself up to be blamed. He can be very hurtful and I have no idea what he's like now that he has been "sober" for 2 weeks tomorrow in this rehab facility. I'm trying to be very supportive and outwardly I'm showing that. But on the inside, I'm feeling a lot of different emotions including the feeling that everything is always about him and his needs, desires, etc. His disease has taken a heavy toll on me. His mom is also an alcoholic and they are enmeshed. It's been very difficult and painful witnessing and being in the middle of their sick and unhealthy dynamic. She's been to rehab multiples times and comes out to drink again every time. She is unemployed for going to work drunk one too many times (in the medical profession) and lies about anything and everything. She won't be at this family session if I do decide to go because I'm the only person he listed as a contact.

I really don't want to go, but a part of me feels like I should. I don't want to go because of all the unknowns and I'm worried that he will use it as an opportunity to blame me and basically gaslight me. I took time away from my clinical rotation in order to attend this thing..
Since my boyfriend has been at rehab, I've started to think about the cumulative damage he's done to me. The whole counseling session with him and the counselor feels so vague and I don't know what to expect. It scares me.