Hi FC,
Cheating, drinking, cheating and drinking so more. I had all that happen in my relationship. It is a brutal blow. In retrospect no explanation of why it happened made any difference. It was something I perseverated over day in day out for YEARS. It is a brutal experience to go through and it is all energy, very difficult energy to deal with, let alone accept and let go of. Now I am a pretty co-dependent person and I could not let that energy go. It was instructional...for example when you say it was disgusting, that is an instructional piece of wisdom smouldering somewhere inside you. Maybe that feeling is telling you to run, maybe it telling you something else. Hard to say really. Kinda rambling here as I often do...I wish you well and some peace.