Originally Posted by
BackAnew 
I know this but somehow seeing you say it made me cry, when it's just in my head, my optimism leaves so much more room for hope. Seeing you say it reminds me that any other outcome would be the exception not the rule.
Part of my conflict is how good my dad was to me as a kid, I have such insanely fond memories of us as a family. I have no actual way to even express how thankful I am for the parents I had and the childhood they gave me up until I was a young teen. As a kid, his drinking was just fun, I didn't know any better, and he was a hard working functional alcoholic, they did a great job of hiding any dysfunction from me. Looking back there were issues, mostly with my father staying out late drinking but there's such an insane level of contrast between then and when I started setting personal limits and boundaries.
Perhaps because my parents were older when they married, my Father was probably further along in his addiction. I remember once I was going through some old mementos, cleaning and I came across a couple of father's day or birthday cards that my Sister and I had given to him, as children, all nice and love you dad blah blah. At that time, as an adult, that was so foreign to me. Yes there are pictures of outings and camping trips etc, I remember the camping (we were young like 5), seemed ok, fun even.
As time went on his alcoholism obviously progressed because there were no fun times as teenagers with him in the house, I guess I started detaching quite a few years before that, maybe when I was 10-ish.
So I can see, from where you are, that would be much more difficult, it is something that came to me naturally.
We will detach, naturally, from people who hurt us, it can be over a long period of time. Sometimes (like in your case) you have to move that detachment, consciously, along, to keep yourself safe (emotionally). That is tough!! There is no easy route. But as with many crossroads in relationships dealing with dysfunction of any sort, alcoholism etc, what other choice do you have?
Your time spent with them sounds really miserable. So, it's not so different from anyone that comes here to say, where did my husband/wife/brother/sister go and who is this that is left in their place? You can see your Dad, he looks like - your Dad, his voice is the same he walks around the same, but he's not the same. That a tough thing to accept and he's not changing.
All you can do is protect yourself to the best of your ability.