BackAnew, heavy, heavy stuff. I'm sorry that your dealing with this emotional stuff.
You've said it perfectly, one parent is dry drunk and deep in addiction, the other falls on their sword and keeps count of everything. Neither parent really addressed addiction or codependency during their lifetime. And the enabling, codependent parent is not willing to let you forget that you've walked away from that way of life.
I think it's common in families where there's intergenerational addiction / codependency that some of us are able to break free and heal ourselves for our descendants, and some of our family members simply can't make that change in their lives. Because they can't break free, they may not want to or be able to understand your choices . . . not your side of the road.
Are you able to find a way to forgive your parents, to find a way to lovingly make your goodbyes with your mother? Even if she says awful things, can you find a way to make peace with her, even if she doesn't hear you? Perhaps this is something you will need to use prayer and your heart to guide you (and remember your boundaries so that you can live with your choices afterwards).