Drinking is not a mental break. Drinking is the thing causing you so much stress- because you are entertaining a false hypothesis. If drinking were really the answer, there would be no fight, you’d just do it. But you know it isn’t going to make things better, now you have to stop entertaining the lie. There is nothing left for you where alcohol is concerned. It is not peace, it is hell. It is not fun, it is torture. It is selfish and deadly. You have overcome so much, anyone as strong as you can focus on changing your thinking, I’m sure. Don’t entertain this romanticized notion of alcohol. Spend your time getting back to who you want to be. I know you can. Congrats on your sober time, you’re doing great.