Wow Firecricket. I could have written your post. Your situation sounds similar to mine but my children are older. I wish we had separated sooner. My youngest has also started venturing out of his room when the ex left and he is gradually blossoming which is great. He was nearly crushed by his father. His older brothers got off lightly in comparison due to exes progression. I actually don’t think my ex is a good person alcoholism aside, and has been unkind to me for the best part of 2 decades getting increasingly worse as time went on. I was very angry and resentful for a long time. After I asked him to leave, which he did, I started reading Al anon literature and took to detachment in a big way but it wasn’t loving detachment! I realized I wouldn’t have a person like this in my life as a friend. Since he moved out some of the stuff he’s done is appalling and I don’t feel like I know him anymore. The latest is charges on driving on a suspended license but he still drives around anyway. I get letters from the police and court coming to the house. Wish he’d change his postal address because I really don’t want to know. Sometimes I just feel sorry for him and sad for us all. But most of the time these days I feel pretty good and like a weight has lifted off. The future feels brighter.