I think my mum is spiralling into another relapse.
Trigger Warning: Relapse
Hi! I’m new here and wish I was posting under a more positive note. I spent too long trying to put this into words that I got logged out so will try to capture what I was writing.
My mum is a recovering alcoholic, and drug addict ( Xanax, Amytriptaline,Benzos, Codeine, and others I can’t remember). Since we were born she has been in and out of rehab centres, multiple hospital stays a year for severe depression/suicidal ideation/withdrawal. Earliest memory of her in rehab is when I was around 5 and my sibling 2. It’s too sad to go into more, and for me to think back even though I’m now a 30yr old adult.
My mum has been attending weekly recovery meeting ( remotely atm) with her care group assigned to her from the rehab she was at.
She had been unwell last week with a benign abyss on her breast. Went to doctor last Friday and it was treated. I started feeling uneasy yesterday when something just felt “off” with my mum. ( weird facial twitch, odd hand mannerisms, pupil dilation and glazed over look).
Today I was still feeling uneasy about this, but I tried to focus on my job applications as unfortunately I’m unemployed + living at home.
My dad came home from work, sibling was out.
had dinner which felt horrible when I knew something was not right.
She then went up to have her remote meeting in her room. Did not mention to my dad as his anger and way of coping / reacting is a trigger for my anxiety and depression.I went into kitchen at one point this evening. I saw her bag, I walked past it but then decided to look in it. In one purse she has a receipt dated 4 days ago for a 24 pack of solpadeine (codeine). But it got worse, in a second purse she had there were several receipts from a jewellery pawnbroker she has been to. Some were dated last year. But there was one that was dated from last Saturday/ 4 days ago, for €130.
My heart sank, I’ve been in my room alone crying and just feel devastated, heartbroken.
Why did she need that money if her social welfare payment was yesterday?
it will be just me and her at home tomorrow, I feel I have to ask/ say at this point more so out of a fear that she might start going back to different doctors again for her med fix.
and also I feel I have to say something because she has a friends party this Friday which will be in a pub. My dad is going with her and his drinking has been an issue in the house in the past.
I’m based in a European country so am about to go to bed but will check this forum again in morning, please reach out with any advice as I feel pretty hopeless and heartbroken about it all.
Thankyou.