firecricket........I think that it is normal to feel this way when someone has hurt us deeply in significant ways. Who says that you are Not "supposed to feel this way"??
Can you actually name anyone who tells/told you that.....or, you think feels this way toward you?
I have noticed---and, I don't mean this to be a criticism---just an observation....I have notices in your posts, that, you tend to do a lot of negative talking about yourself.
A lot of critical statements about yourself.
I have heard this referred to as the "self talk"---the stuff that we say, semi-consciously, to ourselves, over and over, about ourselves.
It is hypothesized that these are the kinds of thing that we were TAUGHT about ourselves, during our early growing up y ears. That we internalize these things so much, that, we tell them to ourselves over and over and over---many times a day.
For example-----where were you told that one person can "save a marriage"'? Or, where did you get the idea that we all have to be like "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm" to all people, all of the time? lol.
Actually, when we get justifiably angry----that energy can be harnessed to carry us forward to do the things that we Need to do for ourselves. Feeling angry is not always a bad thing.
If you would ever want to know abut the effects that our "self talk" has on us (we all do it).....you can find a lot of books on it on amazon.com or in the library.
If you fear that he is going to use your texts against you, in court---does that mean that you expect the divorce to go to a court Trial?