First of all, I'm really glad to hear you and the kids are thriving out from under this. That's the good part!
As for the anger, well that's normal in my experience. All the wishing them well and letting go because they have a disease - I think that's something that comes later, if ever. His "disease", mental illness is untreated, that's his choice. He may not be making it from the wisest place in his brain, but you already know you have no control over that.
Perhaps, after a while, you just won't care - period. No thoughts of him suffering for what he has done, it just wont matter to you, I also think that's normal (again, in my experience).
I did everything I could to save my marriage and keep my family in tact. But what good is a family in tact when everyone is unhappy and walking on eggshells?
There is no point to this, you're right, it helps no one - not even the alcoholic. Marriage isn't meant to be a punishment for you.