Ghost, I just read this thread and you articulated exactly where I am at. I was struck though by your self awareness, honesty and humility.
I'm sorry you had to have another crappy experience with the booze. It happens though so try not to beat yourself up.
I've so related to your struggle and posts that I truly hope you can get back to that place of progress, find some of the good that's out there waiting for you.
Good luck, and mate, you can do this 👍🏻