Hey guys,
I had to go through this entire thread, and I almost shed a tear at the level of support. I'm doing much better, minus the drinking, but I took a vow not to drink again. I'm close to two days, and usually, my cravings are on the weekend, but tonight I don't crave alcohol. Last weekend I humiliated myself, with no remembrance of what occurred, just word of mouth from friends and family. I'm ashamed, disgusted, fearful, and embarrassed by my actions. The solution for this not to happen again is to quit drinking. Friends and family keep telling me that I can control it, but I'm convinced I can not. I fit all the signs of a functional alcoholic, which scares me. I keep imagining how life without alcohol would be, but it has to be better than what I go through when I'm drunk and I blackout. I also came to a realization that everything bad that happens to me, I'm under the influence. I need to change, I'm 36 years old, and I'm moving like I'm 16.
Sorry for venting, and thank you for listening.