Originally Posted by
Pocohontas78 
I need help and advice again and this forum is amazing at that. I was in contact with my ex, I was angry and I felt I needed to say something, it was wrong of me to reach out for answers that effectively he couldn’t give me I realise now. I asked him why he hasn’t apologised for everything that he did and said to me and why he can’t say anything kind to me. He supposedly loved me and we had so many memories wonderful times together and were so connected to one another. He said that he hasn’t reached step 8 yet and if he wants to succeed then his sponsor says he needs to do it per the steps. I get that I really do but why can’t he say sorry now, or something kind. He left me in such a bad way but he has no realisation of it I don’t think, it’s been 5 months now and yet I can’t get over it and the hurt he caused. I have joined al anon but I really need help with this.
hi pochohontas, don't be too hard on yourself. I think SK has really hit the nail on the head, of course.
You would like an apology, instead he talks about his sponsor and his steps. That is where he is at, that's where his head is at.
You know, when people are experiencing mental health issues, they can spend a lot of time and energy protecting themselves from being overwhelmed. What might seem simple to others - is a huge big deal to them. When your mental health isn't great, the thought of being overwhelmed by any trauma, drama, acknowledgment of anything is very scary.
Just like you would protect your leg if it was in a cast.