Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I've been married to my husband 28 years & most of that time he has been in active addiction. It started with alcohol, then cocaine & then into this longest dance with meth, which has led into all other kinds of unimaginable hurts.
In other words, you've put in your time, and then some.
Any decisions involving marriage are by their nature incredibly serious. But here's the thing: marriage only works when both parties are playing by the same set of rules. For 28 years, you've been playing by one set of rules -- the responsible set -- while your husband hasn't been playing by any rules except what makes him feel good in the moment. Marriage cannot work with that sort of imbalance. And because of this, you are well within your rights to do what is necessary to protect yourself.
Put it this way: if you weren't able to change his behavior after all this time, then why are you concerned about his sobriety if you serve him papers? The choice to pick up is his, not yours. The consequences of his decision to pick up are his, not yours. The decision to allow him to hold you hostage after all this time is, however, yours.
Twenty eight years. That's more than a quarter century. Haven't you had enough?