Gut feeling
This is my 1st post here after joining yesterday & I just need a place to vent. I've been married to my husband 28 years & most of that time he has been in active addiction. It started with alcohol, then cocaine & then into this longest dance with meth, which has led into all other kinds of unimaginable hurts. 4 years ago I decided I was done & told him I wanted a divorce. He then found the Lord & stopped using for probably 2 years, although he says it was longer than that but I could just tell. The final straw was he showed up at our daughter's home on Halloween last year so high. Our daughter, who is so great with boundaries, was angry that he did this around her baby, as she should have been. She hasn't talked with him since. This time I insisted on rehab where he has been for 6 months & he gets out this week.
I should have left when my kids were young. They were exposed to verbal abuse & belittling & saw things kids should never see. I was never strong enough & came from a similar environment & was enveloped in fear.
While he was in rehab I had my attorney draw up divorce papers. I want to file them but I don't want to jeopardize his sobriety. My therapist told me whatever I do now could make or break him. That's such a heavy weight to carry. Do I do what my heart is telling me to do & file bc I know it's only a matter of time? Or do I stay & give him one more chance? How many one more chances do I give?? I'm such an enabler. This is the battle in my head from the moment I wake until I fall asleep for a precious few hours when I get a break from it.