Originally Posted by
naz111 
It is pretty easy for me to recognize the AV.
I think the AV is the most intense and universal experience for all alcoholics.
Originally Posted by
naz111 However I was missing a very important component. To separate from the thoughts and feelings. They are not mine.
I quibble with the literal explanation of the AV. It is actually our thoughts and feelings, although it may be helpful for others to treat them as something separate like a demon sitting on our shoulder and whispering suicidal thoughts in our ear. Self defeating and illogical though they are, they are habitual responses to our addiction. What we need to separate are our illogical and self defeating thoughts like "we deserve a drink" from our knowledge that as addicted alcoholics we can never have a drink.
Of course, we must first fully embrace the Big Plan, "I can never drink again." This knowledge is universally agreed upon by those in successful recovery. Testing this or modifying it toward a strategy of moderation only leads to failure. Once you own this, then thoughts of "one drink won't hurt," or "you have done well. You deserve a drink" become easily identifiable as illogical regardless if they are from an exterior demon or from your own sometimes subconscious habitual responses.
What is most important of all is to separate thoughts and feelings from our behavioral responses to them.
Originally Posted by
naz111 Also, I had a recent experience where my AV went nuts. The craving was so intense and physical. My mind was all over the place telling me this is absolutely unsustainable and I can’t do this alone. I told a friend about it, didn’t want to be alone, and felt like white knuckling for half the day. I had moment where I felt it passed and then came back. I would say no, and the AV got more intense.
I never have experienced cravings this intense and actually endured them. I did eventually give in, but it showed me that no matter how bad I feel, even if I feel paralyzed by the cravings I don’t have to give in.
Sounds crazy but I feel like I needed to see this was possible in order for me to be even be able to comprehend quitting for good. I feel now I have the confidence to do so. Even though I am inviting those intense moments not knowing how long they will last, I can bear them and stick to my commitment.
This is what you have to learn, to bear them and stick to the commitment, and the cravings will become less and less over time, until all that is left is are fleeting manageable thoughts that come fewer and farther between.