Originally Posted by Obladi

silentrun, I daresay I haven't "romanced" drinking for a good many years. But perhaps you understand that term in a different way than I do. You're right in the bigger way, though. The blinders are off in regard to many things about myself and the way I relate to (or run from) that same self.

I remember writing this on my whiteboard sometime in February or early March (before I was aware of any desire to drink): "It's ok. You're ok. shhhh" I now see that was clear warning that I was in the danger zone. It reminds me today that I can't just experience negative feelings and blithely move along without giving each and every one a full look-see. Perhaps if I'd spent the time and energy needed to really examine that apparent anxiety - rather than just noting it - perhaps I may have avoided this last event. Hard to know.

It is also easy to see that there was someone I didn't trust in the relationship with my therapist. It's pretty safe to guess that person was me. I hope to start sorting through that with his help this week, then we will figure out where to go from there.

Finally I also see how off-putting my communication style is for most people. I'm working on it...